Wow I sure did have a great time doing nothing but watching ALF yesterday. I hope you all did as well. Yesterday I was thinking... what if ALF ended up being purchased by Disney back when the show was just an idea? I'm not saying it would of been better or worse for the show and if isn't obvious I'm very satisfied with the show that ended up happening. But what if in 1986 the show ended up in the hands of, at the time Disney CEO, Michael Eisner?
Now for a little bit of background on Eisner. After Walt Disney died in 1966 the company spent nearly 20 years trying not to be taken over by other companies. The main philosophy that people followed when trying to come up with any ideas was "What would Walt do?' Of course, none of these people were Walt Disney... not even his older brother, Roy, who died shortly after completely the stressful task that was opening Walt Disney World Resort in Orlando. Things were pretty rough with the company until in 1984 when Eisner was brought in as CEO and Chairman of the Board. Previously he had been the COO of Paramount from 1976 to 1984 and I mean just go look at the stuff that studio was pumping out between those years... "holy cow" one may say. At Disney, Eisner went fucking ham. Him and President Frank Wells were acquiring all sorts of shit: Miramax, ABC, ESPN, even the dang Muppets. Over in Walt Disney Studios he had his now arch-nemesis, Jefferey Katzenberg, developing films which brought along the Disney Animation Renaissance.
Okay, but what about ALF? Well, Paul Fusco was pitching this show and when he came to Disney they were all in and ready to go. The problem was Fusco just straight up didn't like the idea of, as he put it, "Walt Disney Presents ALF". He was already super protective of his creation and Disney just didn't sit right with him... which is understandable. Disney sort of ended up with their own ALF. Months before ALF was set to premiere, a little film called Fuzzbucket aired on The Disney Sunday Movie on ABC. Fuzzbucket is almost like ALF. It features this deranged furry little creature (named Fuzzbucket) hanging around a family... well just the little boy of the family because no one else knows he exists but the film was originally a television pilot so maybe they would have mingled. Part of me wants to believe this was inspired by ALF. Eisner was kind of notorious for taking ideas from others and putting his spin on it... most notoriously opening Disney-MGM Studios Park ahead of Universal Studios Park after hearing about plans for the latter park years ago while at Paramount. So I imagine one day he was having a meeting with some associates and he asked "Any update on the ALF thing? Do they want in?" an associate possibly answered "No sir, they uhh... they declined our offer." Eisner maybe stood up, threw a paper weight across the room, and shouted "GODDAMMIT! Get me John Landis on the phone, NOW!" His secretary pops in and informs him that he's a little busy at the moment. Eisner shouts "I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT MANSLAUGHTER CHARGES I WANT MY ALIEN WITH A SUBURBAN FAMILY SITCOM NOW!" Again this is all just sort of guessing what happened.
In the early 90s, Eisner had announced plans referred to as "The Disney Decade" which included a lot of things previously mentioned like new films and media ventures but also a lot of shit to do with the theme parks. Most of it didn't happen like Disney's America, WestCOT, Port Disney and then you had the disaster that was the opening of EuroDisneyland. But here in this blog post we're here to use our imaginations and dream of what could of been.
Back to the big what if. Let's just say Disney gets Paul Fusco on board with them. Let's also say the show and characters are exactly the same as they are in our reality and ALF becomes this phenomenon just as it did when it was on the air. And then let's just say Disney acquires all of the rights to ALF as well. You got that? From this point on that's the scenario we''ll be doing this exercise within.
January 1st, 1990. It's a bit of a chilly morning in Anaheim, California. We're at Disneyland where outside of the gates in front of the iconic train station, a stage is set up with a podium set in the center. The press is gathered in front of this set up quietly talking amongst themselves awaiting this supposed "historic announcement" that CEO of the Walt Disney Company, Michael Eisner, is supposed to be delivering. Finally, a group of individuals in suits approach. Among them are: Michael Eisner, Frank Wells (President of the Disney Company), Marty Sklar (President of Walt Disney Imagineering), Roy E. Disney (nephew of Walt and majority stockholder) and Paul Fusco (Creator and Producer of the sitcom ALF). They now all walk on to the stage and Eisner places himself at the podium and begins the conference. "Hello, I'm Michael Eisner. CEO of the Walt Disney Company. A week ago I invited you all to join us here at Disneyland to welcome not only the new decade but a new age for this company. If it weren't for the continuing dreams of the dreamers, the aspirations of the aspirers, and the inspirations of the inspirers we would have ceased to exist long ago. Just as Disneyland was intended to do as it opened nearly 35 years ago, we as a whole hope to provide a source of joy and inspiration to all the world. Five years ago, I was approached by the gentleman to my right, Mr. Paul Fusco. He delighted me with his ideas and intentions to produce a family sitcom that featured an alien puppet. And now here we are five years later, and families all across the world enter a realm of ecstasy when they gather to watch ALF on Monday nights. ALF represents all three of the aforementioned dreamers, aspirers, and inspirers and shines a beam of hope and American ideals into the beating hearts of all who participate in viewing his program. But most of all, we have been truly inspired by the great gift that is ALF. It reinvigorates our spirit as a company and will lead us to a destination far beyond the promises of progress. So today, January 1st 1990, I'd first like to declare that the next 3,650 days will be known as the ALF Decade in regards to our own growth we plan to make these next ten years. Secondly, at 12 o'clock this afternoon the Walt Disney Company will cease to exist and going forward will be known as the Gordon Shumway Company. With this change of course all things Walt Disney will be removed. Behind us, Disneyland will now be ALFland, where age relives fond memories of the past... and youth may savor on cats. In Orlando, Walt Disney World Resort will be ALF World Extravaganza and Properties and EPCOT will be... you guessed it, ALFCOT! This year alone the now Gordon Shumway Studios plan to release 39 theatrical films that will feature America's favorite Melmacian. All theme park rides and experiences will continue with their traditional names but now with the addendum "...with Alf!" for now all rides and experiences will feature Alf. Here now to detail some of those experiences is President of Shumway ImaginALFing, Marty Sklar." Eisner leaves the podium and Sklar approaches. "We have a lot of Alf robots now." he says and leaves the podium. Eisner returns. "So folks, we now come to the conclusion of our conference. We will not be taking any questions at this time but we would like to welcome a very special someone... ladies and gentlemen...ALF!" Everyone on the riser turns to their right and start to applaud as a red sports car convertible pulls up to the scene and in the backseat a six foot tall Alf walk around character is waving his hands around. He hops out of the car and gets on stage, giving everyone up there high fives and hugs. The all form a line and take each other's hands and rise them up in the air and take a bow. Everyone cheers.
If only things could of gone that way. The only theme park experience with Alf was The Great Gremlins Adventure located at Warner Brothers Movie World in Germany. Basically, Gremlins take over the ride so Alf and Gizmo assist you in escaping through the Warner Brothers archives. Unfortunately it doesn't exist anymore so my need and desire to go to Germany remains limited.
Do come back tomorrow for another post as we continue to celebrate ALF. Things are about to get rockin'.
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